simple small groups 10 - Changing: Growth Busters

From the book “Simple Small Groups”, here are two common problems that can sidetrack us from spiritual growth…

1)  Whenever we settle for information rather than seeking transformation.  Having the desire to know ABOUT God is not the same as a passion to KNOW GOD.  Some of us tend to be overly academic with our Bible study or small group discussion times.  It is good and helpful to know more of the Biblical text, but we miss the point of any passage whenever we fail to allow the words to penetrate us (deeply, personally) and change us to become more like Christ.

2)  Whenever pride keeps us from seeking help (or whenever self-consciousness keeps us from being vulnerable).  If we want to grow, writes Search, we have to surrender our pride and humbly ask for advice, guidance, and help.  Growth is stunted whenever we can’t admit we have a problem, or we won’t seek help for something we can’t handle on our own.  It could be anything: addictions, financial struggles, marriage or parenting problems, fears, deep hurts, etc.  And here’s the “funny” thing (which is really rather sad):  Everyone in my small group needs help (for something) just as much as I do, though we may all be sitting there together, pretending everything is okay!  Just imagine what can happen whenever we begin to share, and to ask for help, and allow the Holy Spirit to work among the group to comfort, encourage, teach, and grow!

Next post:  How a group can help us change…

Connected in Him,

Shane Gage

shaneg@firstcolonychurch.org

simple small groups 9 - Changing: the Growth Pattern

To help us get into Bill Search's excellent secion on "the growth pattern", here are a few thoughts on change and growth…

1)  Change is inevitable.  Change is one of the few constants in today’s world.  We will most definitely NOT be the same tomorrow as we are today, but we DO have a choice in the kind of change that will take place in our lives…

2)  Healthy change is intentional.  The choice is not to “change or not change” - the choice is in HOW will we change…  We can “drift” into lesser versions of who we were created to be, or we can decide to intentionally set our course towards growing in Christ-likeness.  And the necessary intentional changes that we most need to make won’t always “feel good” or be easy…

3)  Change is hard.  Real intentional change, especially in the areas of our greatest weaknesses, takes time, effort, and an uncomfortable experience or two (or more!).  It’s not something we would be wise to attempt on our own – or in our own power.  But take heart!  Because…

4)  Change (growth) does not equal perfection.  “We have to surrender the idea that change equals instant perfection.  Know that the destination is Christ-likeness, but also remember that this is a journey that must be surrounded with grace!”

5)  Intentional change is more effective in community.  Growth, in the context of a safe, encouraging group of trusted friends, can be a powerful and wonderful experience!  It is definitely worth the investment of building those authentic relationships and then taking the risk to connect… as we help one another grow in likeness to Christ.

Connected in Him,

Shane Gage

shaneg@firstcolonychurch.org

simple small groups 8 - The Nuts and Bolts of Connecting pt.3

Today we complete the “Nuts and Bolts of Connecting” section, with a look at some things we can do to help our groups move into the “commit” and “belong” phases…

In the COMMIT Phase:

* Get together at other times, and hang out in casual settings.  Celebrate birthdays, meet for dinner, grab coffee together at “non-meeting” times.  These causal interactions can create a deeper bond than you might suspect!

* Sub-group during the meeting time.  This will especially help the introverts and quieter folks in the group to be more empowered to speak up and share.  Think about it: whether during the discussion time or prayer time, breaking into smaller groups can literally double or triple the member’s opportunity to participate!  And you can always plan to “regroup” at the end to allow each sub-group to share a few insights to the whole gang.

In the BELONG Phase:

* Take a retreat or vacation together.  Get out of town!  Go and DO something together, something that will create some great, fun shared memories.  Even a short camping trip or weekend getaway can be a great experience for the group.  You might also consider doing a service project together as a group.

* Share life stories.  At each meeting, you can put someone on the “hot seat” and ask them to share “snapshots” of their lives (with or without actual photos).  Then the other group members can ask questions before closing the time with a prayer of affirmation over the “spotlighted” member or couple.  Share “defining moments”, share favorite memories, share your different “life chapters” – just share something!  It might sound strange, but the truth is that this can really help people to connect.  Says Search: “Unless we make a space that encourages us to unload who we are, we probably won’t do it.  We’ll [only] reveal bits and pieces…”  It’s vulnerable, but if done in an affirming spirit, it can be a real boost to the group’s sense of connection.

I think these ideas can be of great practical value to help move our groups into deeper levels of connection.  Give it a shot, and let me know how it goes!

Connected in Him,

Shane Gage

shaneg@firstcolonychurch.org

simple small groups 7 - The Nuts and Bolts of Connecting pt.2

Let’s dive right into Bill Search’s tips on helping the group to move along the “connecting continuum” of meet – commit – belong.  (We’ll take a look at the “meet” phase today, and we’ll tackle the “commit” and “belong” phases in the next post.)

In The MEET Phase:

* Get everyone involved in the discussion, sharing what they really think, by asking good open-ended questions and cultivating good listening habits in the group.  “If people in the group believe that it’s safe to share their thoughts, the discussion will be lively and engaging.”  Also: don’t be afraid of silence; give folks the time to formulate their thoughts and share them!

 * Give everyone a job!  Let different people contribute so that all can develop a sense of ownership.  For this to happen, the group host or facilitator must resist any urge whatsoever to “do everything.”  Almost everything can be delegated, and it should be, from making the coffee to facilitating next week’s discussion!

* Pray for each other.   Nothing bonds a group together quite like praying together over those personal requests that we have entrusted to God and one another.  Facilitators should ask that prayer requests be PERSONAL ones early in the formation of the group, and it would be good for each group to intentionally set aside at least 20 minutes during each meeting to share requests and pray together.  Also, consider breaking into “sub-groups” to pray from time to time, and even splitting into separate groups for men and women at times.  This may afford the opportunity for deeper connections to grow for some than would a larger-group time of sharing and praying.

In the next post, we will wrap up this “Nuts and Bolts of Connecting” section of Bill Search’s book…

Connected in Him,

Shane Gage

shaneg@firstcolonychurch.org

simple small groups 6 - The Nuts and Bolts of Connecting pt.1

The first helpful thing that author Bill Search says in this chapter on the “Nuts and Bolts of Connecting” is that “we should think of connecting as a continuum with varying degrees of intensity.”  We know that the goal is to create a safe place to connect, and it’s a good reminder that there are different phases of connecting that a typical group will progress through:  Meet, Commit, and Belong.

In the first, “meet’ stage, the group is an event that the members attend; it is not yet a community that they are attached to.  The group will gather and get to know each other but it is still easy to get out, and that’s okay –  it is natural to be relationally cautious at the beginning of new relationships.

As the group enters into the second phase, “commit”, members have begun to form closer relational ties and connect more both inside and outside of the group meeting.  It’s not a deep, “family-like” connection, but genuine friendship is beginning to form.

Not all groups actually enter into the “belong” phase of connecting, which is when group members feel like they belong to one another and the friendships have developed a more family-like attachment.  In this phase the group members “demonstrate a concern for each other that rivals that of close families.”

So we’ve seen that groups will progress through the three phases of meet, commit, and belong.  With that in mind, the thing we’d like to know, then, is this:  what enables a group to progress from one phase to the next?  Some of it is simply a matter of time for the relationships to grow, for sure.  But in the second half of the chapter Search gives some good practical tips for helping groups to navigate the journey from meeting to committing and belonging.  We’ll turn our attention to those helpful ideas in next week’s post…

Connected in Him,

Shane Gage

shaneg@firstcolonychurch.org

simple small groups 5

We’re still taking a look at the “connecting” section in “Simple Small Groups.”  And here’s a “big idea” that we need to take to heart:  a small group facilitator’s role is not to force connection but to facilitate a safe relational space.  “You can’t make your group belong to one another, but you can create a space where people feel comfortable enough that they want to return.”  Of course, trust has to grow so that folks can become more open and vulnerable with one another.  And some groups just “click” more naturally than others, for sure.  (Other groups continue connecting in other significant ways, too, such as serving together.) 

Here are some practical things we can do to facilitate a deeper connection…

*  You Go First – If the facilitators are willing to take the risk and dip their toes in the deeper waters of sharing beyond the surface level, other group members may follow suite.

*  Share Personal Prayer Requests – designate an intentional time for group members to share their own personal requests, and pray together.  It may be a good idea to do this first thing, before any meal/fellowship time.   In addition to making sure you get it done, it also creates opportunity for more informal but meaningful discussion later.  It is also good to get in the habit of encouraging PERSONAL requests early in the life of the group.  It’s great to pray for your great aunt and for the cousin of that guy at work who’s been sick… but  sometimes we need to encourage group members to share personal requests, perhaps with a gentle, “But what about you – how can we pray for YOU?”  It’s amazing how God can increase our connection when we approach his throne of grace together!

Connected in Him,

Shane Gage

shaneg@firstcolonychurch.org

simple small groups 4

Early in his excellent book “Simple Small Groups”, Bill Search gives a good look back through the Biblical and historical roots of small groups in the life of the church.  And of course, we know that the idea of “small groups” is not new!   Even as early as Acts 2:42-47, we can identify the same three patterns that we’ve already discussed…

1)     A relational pattern (connecting in community)

2)     A transformational pattern (spiritual formation, growth, life-change)

3)     A missional pattern (missions, service, outreach)

Search writes that in fact, during the first few hundred years of the church smaller gatherings were the primary way to “experience church”, until Christianity was legalized in AD 313.  For three hundred years, “church” was primarily a family gathering!

Beautiful things happen whenever we gather together and truly connect as fellow-followers of Christ.   We are also given the opportunity to help one another be changed to become more like Christ and be propelled (together) into action as God’s missional kingdom agents in this world.

Search makes a good point that while healthy churches and groups connect well relationally, that’s not all they do together.  They also exhibit the other two patterns (though of course not perfectly).  The strongest Christian communities intentionally encourage one another toward growth and spiritual maturity, and they also aren’t focused only on themselves.

Both biblically and historically, God has used smaller gatherings to grow His people.   “It’s biblical.  It’s effective.  We need it.”

Next post: what does it look like to connect, and how do we create the safe relational space where those connections can occur?

Connected in Him,

Shane Gage

shaneg@firstcolonychurch.org

simple small groups 3

"Connecting" is the first of three patterns that a healthy small group exhibits, according to Bill Search in his excellent book "Simple Small Groups."  I'm going to dedicate this post to some of the various good thoughts from the first part of the chapter about the relationship pattern...

"We all have a deep need to know and be known.”  

However, the whole notion of entering a growing relationship with a group of people in which I will show love, grace, and submission is countercultural."

"Our culture prides itself on independence - not community.  We seek self-fulfillment over community fulfillment."

"We simultaneously want growing relationships and we want our own way."

"A small group occupies a unique relational space. If the members connect enough in the group to really know each other - and if they are willing to take the risk - they can help each other grow.  They can enjoy a connecting community and help each other see their own blind spots."

This is a good point to pause and take in.

If we make the choice to remain in community, even with those who are quite unlike us, and who can sometimes "rub us the wrong way"...  If we stick with it, we may discover the blessing of truly knowing one another, warts and all.  And while loving each other, we might take the risk and help one another change. 

Sometimes those people who are the most unlike us, and the ones that we are times find are the most difficult to love, are the very people that God wants to use in our lives to help us grow closer to Christ. 

Connected in Him,

Shane Gage

shaneg@firstcolonychurch.org

simple small groups 2

Continuing our look at “Simple Small Groups” by Bill Search, we are reminded that a healthy small group is one that keeps things simple but meaningful.  We don’t want to try to do “everything every week” in our groups, but to simply be sure we cover the basic, most important things such as connecting, growing, and praying together.

We’ve all heard the stories of the championship team that wins it all by "staying focused on the basics.”  I really like Search’s three “basic” and “simple” patterns that make up a healthy small group:  connecting, changing, and cultivating.

Connecting is the growing sense of community within the group.   Hopefully, what begin as good Christian friendships will eventually grow to the point where even very "unlike" people share a deep sense of belonging and connection together.

Changing is the spiritual and relational renovation that transforms us into the likeness of Christ.  It is not merely intellectual, and it is not just behavior modification (or “the gospel of sin management”), but rather it happens when we take on the character and mind of Christ.  We have a wonderful opportunity to be formed into the likeness of Christ through the crucible of relationships!

Cultivating is the missional lifestyle of evangelism and service, whenever our groups develop an outward focus that engages their hearts into action.  We’re all called to make an impact and build God’s kingdom in this world, and small groups are a great place to cultivate the kind of missional life that the Lord is calling us to.

These three patterns form the framework for the remainder of the book (and this series of blog posts), and he continually stresses that these are the basic ingredients of a healthy small group.

One more great point from his introduction:  We should seek “harmony” among these three patterns in our group, and not the “perfect balance” or “equality”.  Some groups lean more heavily on one or another of the three, and that’s okay – as long as all three are present and working in harmony together.  More on that in coming posts…

Connected in Him,

Shane Gage

shaneg@firstcolonychurch.org

simple small groups 1

Over the next few weeks I’ll be blogging through some ideas that are presented in Bill Search’s excellent book “Simple Small Groups”.  You may also want to check out his website:  http://www.simplesmallgroups.com/   Today’s post is from the book’s introduction…

one :  We all need community.  In fact, Search makes an interesting point to show just how true it is that we were created for community.  In the beginning, God created a perfect world, without flaw or sin.  And when God made the first person, he was created perfect, with an unhindered relationship with God.  And yet, God said that it was “not good” for man to be alone!

two :  Small groups are a wonderful place to connect and grow in community – but they are not the ONLY place.  We place to much of a burden on our small groups, whenever we expect them to meet ALL of our relationship needs.  Sometimes, one of the biggest blessings of a small groups is their ability to create space for closer relationships to grow.  In other words, your group may be a great “social space”, and you also might find within the group another person with whom you grow closer and develop a deeper connection.  That’s a great thing!

three :  We can make it more complicated than it has to be!    We need to make sure that while our groups are highly relational and meaningful, that they are also quite simple and flexible.  That’s why we’re not doing a “one size fits all” approach to our groups here at FCCC.  And that’s why I’m encouraging all of our groups to give ample time for sharing personal prayer requests and praying together.  Sometimes the most meaningful things really are quite simple!

Next Post:  We’ll take a look at Bill Search’s “3 patterns of a healthy small group”…

Connected in Him,

Shane Gage

shaneg@firstcolonychurch.org

Welcome!

This blog is the place where you can find regular updates with thoughts and suggestions to help your group connect and grow.  I'm hoping to provide some Big Ideas for our Small Groups here at FCCC!

In addition to making this a great source for some good ideas, my aim is to make this a place to pass along some practical tips for our small group facilitators and hosts.  I'll report on new resources and helpful websites as I find them, and I'll blog through a few books that will provide some excellent food for thought as we journey forward.  Finally, I hope to be able to feature some great ideas, tips, links, and thoughts from some of our  many small group facilitators here at First Colony.

Connected in Him,

Shane Gage

shaneg@firstcolonychurch.org